I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
