Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
