imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
