you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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