So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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