office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
