help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
