why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I love having hate sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
