went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
