we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
