I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
