i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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