Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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