Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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