I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
not ubering you a puppy
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
