Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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