We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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