all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
