Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
