She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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