I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
