Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
