You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
