sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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