you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
