Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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