The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
