I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
