Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
