it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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