I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize