By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
