Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My feet surprised me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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