I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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