Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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