I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
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hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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