i just made my gag reflex go away.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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