In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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