You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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