it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
