We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
