how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Boobs speak an international language.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
