now i know why i became what i already was.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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