New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
