i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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