Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize