Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
