can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
