dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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