oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
