i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
