worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
