did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
youre lurking in front of me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
