The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
