There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
