Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
