So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
