So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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