I'm lost and stupid without you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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