lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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