dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
