Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
