If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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