is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
