If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
