yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
