I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
