yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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