If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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